The Oscars Isn't Boring; You're Boring. Actually It Is.

In case any of my readers emerged from a coma this morning, the Oscars were last night. The Artist, a movie I literally could not have less interest in seeing, had a big night, taking home awards for Best Picture, Director, and Actor. The prevailing feeling was that the field this year was very weak, and I tend to agree. I'd only seen Midnight in Paris, Moneyball, and The Descendants, I'd enjoyed the first two and didn't particularly like the latter. The rest of the films range from movies I object to from a political standpoint like The Help, or movies like War Horse that you couldn't pay me to see. In the end though my opinions about these films don't really make a difference, and I'm not going to expound on my cinematic tastes at length in this column.

Instead I want to discuss the prevailing media narrative that this year's Oscars were particularly boring. I find this point fairly ridiculous. For one thing, no one is forcing you to watch or even care. This argument, while fundamentally true, ignores the fact that we exist in a culture where the Oscars are something that are widely discussed, and to ignore it is to potentially miss out on popular culture fodder. For whatever reason, it's been decided that the Oscars is Important and Culturally Relevant, and any other adjectival phrases that denote a similar meaning. I'm sure many follow the Oscars from a distance, ignoring the live broadcast and instead following it on the social media sphere, still it dominates the public narrative for the weeks surrounding it and it has taken on a sort of Super Bowl aspect in that people who aren't necessarily interested in it feel compelled to display some knowledge about it.

Let's ignore the fact that one can simply eschew watching it if they want, and instead challenge the perception that the Oscars is boring in some objective sense. The short answer is: Of course it is. This owes more to the structure then any creative decision the producers make. It's an award show, they can add whatever glitz and glamour they want to it, but in the end it boils down to someone reading a list, and then announcing that one of the items on that list was chosen above the others. Maybe the Oscars could borrow a page from reality tv and cut to commercial right before winners are announced, but I'm happy they don't try to ratchet up the anticipation through that manipulative trick.

I'd argue that the Oscars actually does a very good job of making a boring medium somewhat less boring. They pack it full of jokes, some of which are pretty funny. Last night, they had a performance from Cirque De Soleil, which few would describe as boring. They do a good job of making it a spectacle, everyone is concerned with who the various stars are 'wearing'. One thing that always makes me laugh is when they get various stars to expound on their love of movies. I get it, movies are great, they're entertaining, but there is an amount of self importance that I find hard to swallow. Still, I found the Oscars to be pretty enjoyable at times, I thought Billy Crystal did a good job as host. Let me reiterate my central thesis, the format of award shows is what's boring. One slight fix I've thought of: it might be interesting if they announced the vote breakdown of the the big awards.

Now, my relative praise of the Oscars does not mean I was glued to the television throughout. From about 9:50 until 11, I watched the Celebrity Apprentice. The Celebrity Apprentice is one of the few shows that matches the Oscars in terms of it's outsized self importance, it's consumerism, and it's celebration of celebrity culture. What makes it slightly more compelling, in my opinion, is that it shows the competition as opposed to merely announcing the winner.

Let's be brutally honest for a second, the Oscars is boring and unimportant. Somehow, it has become a must watch, culturally essential, event. Movies are great, they are entertaining, but talking about them is boring. There is no way to make art seem less beautiful, less a visceral expression of human talent, then to endlessly deconstruct it. The Oscars is a celebration of that deconstruction, it breaks down entire movies into weird sub-categories. How are we supposed to know what movie had the best sound editing and what does that even mean? That may be the Oscars biggest flaw, not that the event is boring, but that it weirdly individualizes a collective effort.